Virginia Giuffre has taken her life aged 41.
I did not know her, but the world knew her story; and *that* photograph will forever be synonymous with her name and a certain member of the royal family.
And everyone has an opinion - but this is a woman, *was* a woman, who spoke out and as Sky News reports was "a lifelong victim of sexual abuse and sex trafficking" (and that is me deleting my Sky News app).
To have it that abuse DEFINES you? Yowza. I don't like that. I can only wonder whether the nature of her death will also come to define her too, and whether the years of campaigning and fighting for women’s rights will be forgotten.
I have known people who 'wear' the Victim "badge" 'proudly' - and I stress - that each person is allowed to define *themselves*...but no one else...(thank you Sky!😡😡😡). So many spend their lives fighting to be seen as anything other than defined by the act of another, it's wrong that it is so quickly and easily forgotten for headlines.
We alluded to the fact that we had been to see 'Dear Evan Hansen' recently; essentially, a musical about suicide and suicidal thoughts.
We had no idea when we went in what the subject matter was.
Suicide is a subject that has touched both of our lives and plays a big part as to why I became a counsellor - I wanted to be with people in their pain; to try and help them find a way through.
My Grandad took his own life when he was 83 (and I was 16); he had led a remarkable life: 32 bombing missions in WW2 (when he had actually been deemed "too old" to sign up in the first place...so, you have to wonder at his death wish then, no?!)
He had joined up because my (paternal) Great Grandma had said he was "too old" to marry my Grandma (her daughter); but when the War hadn't killed him, she relented! And my father...and me...are here because of that bravery, courage, daring on his part!
He survived WW2; survived his aorta splitting on the golf course...but glaucoma was one fight too many, so he literally took his life in his hands and controlled his exit.
I think that is why I saw it, still do, as an act of bravery by that upper mid gunner of a Lancaster Bomber; rather than the "cowardly act" that fellow members of his generation labelled it as.
And now we're back to OTHER PEOPLE and their views...people take their lives for only reasons that they will ever know...as a counsellor, I have had to learn how to 'carry' that and the fact that I will not be able to "save" everyone I work with.
At the end of the day, it is their lives, lives only they have autonomy over.
Having suicidal thoughts is not particularly uncommon, and it does not mean that someone (or you) will go on to end their lives. It can feel like a way of coping, of believing that there is a way out should it be needed. Sometimes believing that there is the option gives hope enough to not need it. That is what we believe that talking about these thoughts will not “cause” someone to take their life, but may actually help them to think about what other options there are to manage the pain they are experiencing. By asking about it, showing interest and care, you are helping.
In counselling you are taught to 'throw the life ring' to your client; not jump in the sea with them.
You need to care for them and help them to assert themselves (to seek help...to work through their pain and trauma...); NOT rescue them...there is a distinct difference.
'Dear Evan Hansen' is about two young men who both have suicidal ideation; they both 'nearly' succeed in exiting this Earth, but it's about how the surprise loss of one of them brings the other to life...gives him a purpose...
Maybe Virginia Giuffre had lost her purpose...was engulfed in her (seemingly) never ending fight for her 17yo self...may she rest now.
We heard you; we saw you; we felt your pain...I am so sorry it wasn't enough. XxX
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