How do you cope when things are tough? We all go through times when life seems to be really hard, for all kinds of reasons, but how do you weather that storm?
Whether that looks like health difficulties, loved ones being unwell, financial challenges, a sudden crisis or unexpected challenges; all of which can rock our stability and limit our capacity to cope.
Recently, we at Transcend Trauma have experienced a range of challenges, and it has got us thinking about how we look after ourselves in it, and the importance of valuing the good things in life. When things are hard it can be almost impossible to see the light, but there are still moments of beauty and pleasure, however fleeting. For example, we decided to get up early to see the sunrise the other day – and just how spectacular that morning was!
We can be reminded that life is short, too short to not do what makes you happy, too short not to take care of your heart and your mind as well as of others. Sometimes you have to make a conscious decision to be a bit selfish with yourself and put yourself at the top of the priority list. After all, you can’t make others happy unless you are looking after yourself.
As always our advice is to be gentle, be kind to yourself, take care of yourself in the way you would take care of your best friend.
But what about the practicalities? Break things down, take one step, one hour, one minute at a time. Try not to look at the whole picture, but rather focus on the immediate term, what can you do right now? Then what are you going to do for yourself?
Anyone who knows me knows that I struggle at this time of year, basically, the month of October…as I almost ‘wait’ for the 31st to come; which, this year, will mark 20yrs since my Mum ‘returned to the atmosphere’…
It’s a strange one, because if you follow me/TT on ‘social media’ you will know that ‘waves’ of grief hit me throughout the year (when you have a birthday; wedding anniversary; Mothering Sunday; Christmas…to contend with); but it’s when the leaves start to change colour on the trees that another ‘moment’ comes - when nature itself is telling you that autumn is coming (face plant!)
Images are our own, taken at Sunrise, in Sidmouth, Devon, UK
Over the years I have ‘tried’ various things, but now I reckon I “know” - Mothering Sunday and Christmas, stay off social media; anniversaries, stay close to nature; long walks by the sea are the answer to everything…and birthdays? Well now I embrace…I do something for my Mum (like she really is there with me); taking myself off on my own to see A Chorus Line in the West End (to ‘mark’ 10yrs) really was a positive, beautiful thing to do.
This year, given that anniversaries ending in a -0 or a -5 are the worst (right?!) I have orchestrated a week that sees me in Bristol for the theatre one night; Birmingham another night, to see TT’s favourite, Benson Boone, on the Saturday - before I then travel to see him AGAIN on the Monday in London. To say that I clearly think I’m still in my twenties…!!!
I guess that moment, that day, ‘holds’ a lot for me and I now just try to ‘counter’ it with life-affirming activities; partially to distract, I guess, but also to remind me of the GOOD STUFF living can bring with it…and the importance of that, for my soul.
There will always be “feels” and memories that October holds for me, I reckon I’ll spend the rest of my life working through that…but, that’s it, my LIFE now grows around my grief (see Dr Lois Tonkin’s model of “growing around grief” - which has subsequently translated into ‘the grief jar’.
So whatever you are contending with, however hard and overwhelming it feels, we see you. We would recommend trying to find your moment of peace within the chaos. It is OK to take care of you, in fact it is imperative.
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