“How are you feeling about this Sunday?”
“What’s that? Eh? What? What’s Sunday?”
“Mothering Sunday mate!”
“Ah!”
An awful lot can be held in that “Ah!”
I guarantee you that if you no longer have a Mum on this Earth you know it’s still Mothering Sunday this weekend…so that “Ah!” is recognition…rather than ‘forgetfulness’.
I work with a lot of people who are dealing with the grief associated with the death, loss, of their Mum (due to physical death, dementia, estrangement due to relationship breakdown…) and I always ask them how they’re feeling about the weekend ahead this week.
Many people “don’t know how they’re going to be with it” until the time comes - especially if this is within the “year of firsts’” for them…and I suggest, obviously within what suits for them, taking a moment to ‘mark’ that day for the pair of you - playing a piece of music she loved…smelling a favoured scent…doing something “for her”…
My Mum never stopped getting a card for her Mum and she would write (in short-hand, because she could!) in it - so those words were sacred between her and her departed Mum…it spoke volumes about how closely my Mum ‘held’ thoughts, feelings, emotions eh…her choice - I never questioned it. Now I see the benefit in that; come on, how often do counsellors encourage journalling…’writing things out…!’ - my Mum was pioneering it!
I used to really struggle with Mothering Sunday, but that’s because of the feelings it held for me - an ‘ugly’ feeling especially, ‘bitterness’…mmm, attractive! But that was raw grief…hating the fact that, with or without your Mum - there will always be that day!
It can be even more complicated if Mum, for you, isn’t your biological Mother; maybe there’s another female relative who has fulfilled that role for you: an Aunt, your sister, your Grandma…if your Mum was “Mother” rather than the verb, “to Mum”…
I’m pleased to say I handle it better now…I have a “healthier” relationship with that day; I mark it for myself and I am aware of how the child within me, my inner child, feels that loss and she needs to know that her ‘Mumma G’ (me - the Adult) is there for her.
So whether you are planning a weekend with your “Mum” or whether you are missing her, spare a thought for your inner child who needs you to parent them, maybe especially this weekend!
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