The Inner World

So how is January going for you? Yep, complicated sometimes this life thing isn’t it. So we thought we would tackle the idea of our inner thought world this week – nothing major then!

Someone once said (often attributed to Buddha, but others have claimed it), “you live in your own head most of the time, so make sure it is a nice place to be.” Isn’t that true though?

What is your thought life like? Are you kind to yourself; show yourself compassion and kindness, or do you tend towards the critical and impatient? I know I tend to lack patience and tolerance with myself and will frequently notice that the thoughts directed at myself are more critical than kind. “Why would you do/say that? You look stupid! You can’t do that; you’ll mess it up!” Those kinds of things.

It is really easy to get down on ourselves, and it might be something that we have done for so long, that we don’t even notice it. It is like any habit, it grows over time, and can be really hard to change…. But not impossible!

The longest relationship we ever have is with ourselves, so why not invest some time and some energy into making it a positive one? Trust me when I say I get that this sounds hard! For so long I have actively disliked myself, and this came out as negative thoughts and self-criticism. But there comes a point where we realise that this is not serving us, being our own worst enemy is detrimental to our mental health, physical health and overall wellbeing.

While we’re at it, do we need to check the validity of where negatives are coming from? Are they ‘from the past’ – or from any “inner critic” within us? Say we have received unhelpful statements in childhood, which we have always held as ‘gospel’…say our inner critic uses messages like that against us. Did a teacher say we “wouldn’t amount to much?!” Did a parent tell us we made too much fuss? Did a bully mock us, belittle us? Are those the same voices that haunt us, hurt us?

Can you ‘hear’ anything like that…? Do you hear it in their voice? Proof, perchance, that it is an ‘outside’ message that has been internalised. All too easy for any critical part of us to jump in and use against us…

So, what if we changed it up? What if we tried to be a bit kinder, a bit gentler, a little more understanding? Maybe treat ourselves in the way we treat other people in our lives. Would we berate our best friend for not getting something right straight away? No, so why do we do that to ourselves? What is this higher standard that we are demanding of ourselves, and what good is it doing? Maybe lower the bar a little and acknowledge your humanity. Try to allow yourself some grace – OK, so we didn’t get it that time, we’ll try again.