I talk about death and grief a lot, have you noticed?! Oh yeah, and I don’t apologise for that fact anymore! So NEH!
In my mind it is still a taboo that really SHOULD be addressed!
Two (rather different!) things have ‘inspired’ me this month, I dared to see “Hamnet” at the cinema…and I’ve just completed viewing “Limitless - with Chris Hemsworth” on Sky.
The final part of “Limitless” was about ageing and death, whereas the episodes that had come before were about trying to defy the ageing process; this final episode was entitled ‘Acceptance’ and had a very different feel to it, but made some very stark points.
We’re all terminal was one particular quote I liked! It falls in line with one of my all time favourite statements, None of us is getting out of this alive! …and yet death is still a topic most folk avoid? I feel like we should be talking about it until we’re blue in the face (pardon the pun?!?!!!)
In that final episode the Fijian approach to death was explored, where 100 days and nights of contemplation is had following someone’s death, with the attitude being that “grief is good”…”grief is beautiful”. That feels refreshing, ‘healthier’ for those left grieving, but not in line with what I‘m saying about our unwillingness in today’s society to discuss our demise (which is guaranteed - as we know, death and taxes, right!)
The programme also spoke to a 27yo woman with stage 4 cancer; she highlighted the lack of certainty in life and Hemsworth reflected that we are “one breath away” from, well, death hey…life can change on a sixpence.
Which brings us to “Hamnet” which seems to divide people (I haven’t read the book FYI, so this is purely in reference to the film). Someone spoke out during the viewing I saw, something about “this rubbish!” Others have walked out in response I’ve heard; whereas some openly weep and return for a repeat viewing. So divisive!
What’s the issue? Is it ‘too painful?’ We see the love and later grief held for Hamnet, William Shakespeare & Anne Hathaway’s son who died aged 11yo; and, most significantly, the differences in their grief and how Shakespeare responds by writing Hamlet. “To be or not to be” takes on a very different meaning when spoken by Shakespeare himself whilst leaning over the edge of a jetty on the River Thames; is his life worth living without his only, now departed, son? There’s the reality of his loss.
As Hathaway says, linking us back to “Limitless”, “what is given can be taken away”. Maybe it’s the visceral birthing scenes we see in “Hamnet” which makes that child loss all the more harsh; but she seems to realise the fragility of her children, living with the threat of the bubonic plague as Shakespeare was during the English Renaissance.
“Don’t Tell Me How To Grieve”…whoever came up with that statement, you have my vote! No one has the right to tell you; grief is the most personal experience and if you are trying to tell someone ‘you’re doing it wrong/for too long/surely you’re over it by now!’ - well you clearly don’t “get” what they’re going through…I think these words are very true though:
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim”.
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