We got to thinking about the time between sessions, whether that be counselling sessions, therapy, mental health team appointments, or support sessions. For some this time can feel like a vacuum where support feels far away, while for others it can be a time where the work set up in the session can really take place.
If, like most, you have a 1 hour session a week, that means there are 167 hours between sessions. Obviously if you attend fortnightly that becomes 335. Essentially, a lot!
We know from our own experience, and those we have worked with, for many, the time between sessions most often feels difficult and confusing, where things that have been raised in sessions can begin to unravel, which can be both positive and negative. The question is, how do we manage this? How do we navigate the complexity of feelings that come up in the hours and days after a session?
Time between sessions is, for many, where the work REALLY happens. The seeds are sown in the session and in the time between we nurture them and get to know how they flourish in our lives. That is by no means as easy as it sounds, nurture takes work and understanding and care – care and compassion for ourselves, which may feel foreign to us.
For me, I think it is the time between a (potential) new client’s approach…then ‘how’ I get back to them (they can request their preferred means of communication on my BACP contact page); all that before we have even got to the first telephone call…! At what point has the therapy started?!
The timing on that first contact can be so pivotal. When I worked for a CSA counselling charity those clients may have been waiting months (anything from 3-6) for that communication to come through…out of the blue!
My ‘manner’ with that first approach could make or break that working relationship from the get go; some people could be ‘pleasantly’ surprised to hear from you; others angry with you (once that client had been assigned to me I then had 2 weeks to make contact, but they didn’t know that, if they had been waiting for MONTHS and I was the first person they spoke to…!!! Eek.) Others were embarking upon the scariest thing they had ever done in their lives and just didn’t know if they could…
In EVERY instance, as a counsellor (human being first) all you can do is respect and value that soon-to-be client’s courage, as they start out on what could be ‘the thing’ that changes their life.
I have tried to think of therapy as a process, somewhere where the therapist and I work some of it out together and then I have the responsibility to apply that learning to my own life on a daily basis. The therapist wants to see me succeed and achieve my goals and will be my cheerleader, but ultimately in the time between sessions I am responsible for making it happen.
But what about the feelings of overwhelm or isolation? We know that this is really common to feel between sessions. That perhaps the person you feel understands you most is distant, and you feel alone in your situation. Acknowledging that feeling with your therapist is really important, being able to address all your feelings, including that, will help change come over time.
And that sense of “am I too much!?” We hear that a lot! The nagging voice in your head after a session that tells you, you said too much, or too little, you were too much, or not good enough a client. That voice that tells you that is part of your inner critic and again is really important to address within the therapy. The sense of being too much or not enough will affect so many areas of your life – including your therapeutic relationship – if it is not brought to light and addressed.
One of the most challenging feelings for a client to experience in therapy is vulnerability (or the ‘v word’ as we once knew it!) This, to me, is where you are seen; where there is no (more) hiding…where ‘the work’ happens…and where your client may want to run; as the therapist, tuning into your client, pre-empting, and working accordingly are the keys. ‘Shine the light!’ – that most favoured expression of mine! Don’t run away from the ‘challenge’ – run towards it! Together. Your client is no longer alone, *that* is the difference between that pre-first contact and then as that working relationship develops and they let you into their world. A very privileged place to be and one I will never (I hope!) take for granted.
So the question remains, what are some things that can help if I am struggling during this time. There are a variety of potential strategies that may help, from journalling, drawing, sending yourself voice notes, getting out in nature and using music or anything else that helps you to feel calm and to process your thoughts. It is important to identify things that both help you feel regulated and allow you to work through the thoughts that are coming up.
What do you find helps settle your thoughts when you feel overwhelmed? What is your go to strategy when your head is full of racing thoughts? If you are unsure, why not try one of the ideas listed above and see if it helps?
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