Sometimes life comes at you hard doesn’t it? Like really hard! One or two curveballs we can all handle, but sometimes life feels more like being in “Cyclone” on “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.” For those of you who don’t watch it, the game is basically where you are on a huge waterslide with massive fans, being pummelled by water-jets and hundreds of balls all at once. Yep, sometimes life feels a bit like that!
October has for sure been that month for us, with lots of “life” and challenges coming one after another, never quite getting a chance to get back on our feet before the next thing comes along. But that is how it is sometimes though isn’t it? Whether it is finances, health, family, practical or other issues at times it comes at us thick and fast.
So how do you cope when that happens? Do you crumble, do you move to victim mode and hope that someone will rescue you? Do you become Child and all the emotions associated with being a child come into play? Or do you become Parent and want to fix everything, potentially denying the emotion, being busy making things better?
Can you be the Adult? Be the one who is able to take stock of what is happening, but methodically approach the situation and deal with things as needed, asking for help where necessary and letting go of things that do not need to be managed right now.
We talked in our last blog about the need to be kind to ourselves when we are going through things, to be attuned to our needs and to be gentle and responsive to ourselves.
Our advice, after this month? Go steady! Try not to live in the future or the past, right now the only thing you have to manage is right now. Be practical, what steps do you need to take to tackle the issue, and how are you going to do it. Break things down into achievable steps so that you can see the progress that you are making and things feel less overwhelming.
Plan in positive moments. Even though October has frankly been the gift that keeps on giving, we have had highlights too – cinema trips, evenings in and walks by the sea, all moments that allow for escape and room to breathe. What can you build in to the coming days that will give you those moments too?
And on the same note, what can you take out? What feels “too much” right now, what is taking energy from you and not making you feel better? You don’t have to say yes to everything, it is perfectly fine to say no to things that do not serve you.
As I reckon you’ve surmised by now, October & I are *never* the best of friends, and I knew this one would be ‘momentous’ (for all of those 20yrs of grief-filled shitty reasons) - and then things got worse (as, if you read our blog each week, you will know!)
How have I dealt with it (I hear you cry); well…I have taken MORE on, I have overloaded myself with distractions and avoidance tactics (yes! I’m a counsellor. Yes! I know…!)
But I have done as my wise and esteemed colleague (partner in crime) suggests (I got there eventually); I have “chunked”, given myself a focus and made some headway. I have also ‘not done anything rash’ (it was a close-run thing!) I took on a Supervision course at the start of the month (unconsciously, I clearly knew I needed another challenge) and for the first 2 weeks I really didn’t think I could cope, I felt even little old me had gone too far! But I was honest, I didn’t shy away from it; I spoke about it in “break out rooms” with peers, realising I wasn’t alone in my feelings and decided to take on a “curious” stance!
I have hung on in there and now we have reached half-term, so I get some “respite!” I have also reached the stage in the course where we are paired with a peer for supervision ‘practice’, she is lovely and she has reminded me how much supervision is about checking on your state of mind and supporting you as human being first. That’s all because I’ve been honest. Not ‘put a face on’; actually said, “I’m struggling. I’m overwhelmed. I’m not sure my heart’s in this”…and I have been met with compassion and care (as you’d hope, especially from a fellow counsellor - but still…!)
Can you “voice it?” Can you be honest and SAY when you might need more from those around you? Have you got somewhere you can “go” if you ‘just’ need to be heard; or cry; or have a hug? I recommend, really recommend, that you create that space for yourself, it’s priceless and could very well ‘save’ you from hitting “Fuck it” or “I quit”.
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